Getting started
(Tue, 19th Dec 2006; actually...)

Why not just start? Do I really have anything to say? Actually not. But who cares?
When I'll have made it to bed it's only three more days, and then I'll have 17 days OFF! No school, no seminars. Lot of ordering & preparing, of course but not having to get out should do for the beginning

I think it's amazing how grateful one can become for the little things such as sleep, leisure time or just being emotionally stable; how precious things as watching a dvd with a friend or having enough time to enjoy a cup of coffee in the morning (verrrrry important!) become when you have to really make room for them. There are so many things we just take for granted as long as we don't have to fight for them. I wish it would be possible to know about the value of things and people BEFORE we lose them.

Of course, I have an idea of what people and things mean to me; but not until I lose s.o.' favour I had taken for granted or am bereft of things I appreciate I really KNOW how important they actually are for me. In so far I'm grateful for the time I'm just experiencing; when a phone call with a friend becomes really precious just because it's not normal any more to have enough time to chat. And I can so clearly see who and what is important for me because whenever I take time to e.g. hang out with s.o. that time is more or less directly taken away from my daily hours of sleep. So I choose well...

I think that is why God sometimes withdraws his presence from us. What had been taken for granted - security in Him, His love, ... - all of a sudden is shifted from being normal to being something of undescribable value.
When I lately experienced that in an extreme way, feeling horrible and not having Him as my refuge I learned how precious my bible - that contains all the truth about His might and glory - actually is. I couldn't rely on my feelings; I couldn't feel His presence AT ALL; there was nobody who could help me in that situation. So all could do was sticking to the psalms and proclaiming them. They ministered in an incredible way to me! Only then I understood why owning a bible is so valuable; and then I could understand why it means so much to have one for people who live in countries where bibles cannot be purchased easily. I'm grateful for the deep times. They are not fun, but they reveal what really counts. And I think when you process them well they'll make the ground you stand on more solid. On the other hand, choosing the easiest way all the time, avoiding any unpleasantness and denying failures and pain can easily result in the opposite: a shifting ground.

I think I'll rather choose the harder way.