Hearing God's Voice

I have to admit: I am a bad listener. I get bored easily. So - if you really want to annoy me make me sit still and listen to s.o./ sth. I'm not interested in or - even worse! make me wait for sth. to happen.
So, God hardly ever speaks to me when I'm just silently waiting for him to speak. I have to keep my body busy if I want to be able to focus at all; otherwise my thoughts just keep flipping around. So, I'm pretty much in love with the thought of hearing an audible voice, actually.

When I did a kind of bible course last week, I was chatting with one of the leaders and we spoke about a scripture. It was when I heard myself saying, "actually, that's what I've experienced over the last year" that I realized that God was speaking to me through my own words. At that very moment I got an answer to a question I had had for a while. It was interesting because that very day two people gave me a word (is there a way to say that without using Christian jargon??) that was related to the scripture I was talking about that morning.

Yes, sometimes I do need an audible voice. So God grants me my own or others to make Himself heard. I think God is cool :)

Best Friends

Frankly, I don't like the term "best friend". I don't like the ranking, and I don't like the expectations tied to it. I do not want to rank my friends, and I don't want to be ranked. Honestly, I don't want to be called s.o.'s "best friend".

What does it mean to be s.o.'s best friend? That you can be told everything? That you can help in every situation and should do so? That you are the one person that has the right to know everything or most things or at least the most important things that are going on in your "best friend's" life?

No, I don't like that concept. Just because I don't think it works.
There are different people in my life I can talk to about different things. Different people I can share different things with. Different people that can help me in different situations. And I wouldn't even necessarily call all of them my friends; which, of course, might be a very German way of considering it.

As much as I'd like to be always helpful, I often fail to be a friend just because I am in the place I am in. Because there are things I can't understand so that I can't hear. Because I react in patterns that are not necessarily divine; because there are areas in my life in which I need healing.

So, I'm glad, there is s.o. who fulfills all the best friend's criteria. I'm glad I can have a best friend in Jesus. I'm glad I can entrust Jesus with my friends; not only when I can't be helpful any more but constantly.

I'm glad there is (already) a saviour. I'm glad there is room for me to be imperfect.

What I learned

I might slowly be overcoming my typing trauma, so I think I could be able to answer the question I've been often asked after my trips to Paris and Marlow: "So, what did you learn there?"

I find this question quite hard to answer because the answer is not so tangible. I've learned so many different things in different areas; and it was not so much that I got incredible revelations...

The one thing that I remember well is how much I was amazed about the cultural differences. Not so much in Paris, of course, because it was all very international, but very much in England. How different the English and the Germans are even though they look similar and live so close. That culture is sooooo indirect; mine isn't at all. That has never been so clear to me before.
So, I guess one thing I learned is to have more empathy with people living in cultures that are not their own. I keep forgetting, though, but I definitely want to remember! Being nice to foreigners is not exactly a German virtue...

I learned to trust God's speaking more. This little voice, of which I'm sometimes not even sure if I heard correctly. It impressed me that scriptures etc. we had gotten in prayer preparing for France made total sense when we actually were in Paris. Something we hadn't seen before at all.

I learned how much I still want to make things happen in my own strength; and how much better and easier and joyful it is to do it God's way; and let Him do what is His job.

I learned to trust God more financially! He provided for the trips.

Maybe the most important thing is that I got a greater hunger to get His word out there. Although I still don't really know how to do it. And that I lost some of my fears.

This is a very incomplete list; but it may give you an impression. :)

Nothing happening here...

Have been working on my final paper for some time now; so as well my desire as my time to write/ type more is pretty much non-existent... Sorry about that!
Deadline (for paper) and lifeline (for me) is 17th Sept.
Hopefully more (and more interesting stuff) then :)

Back Home

As I am not feeling so much like writing right now, I thought I could instead upload some pictures of the last two weeks:

England:

A sunny day!!!

The Thames flooding Marlow:

Marlow, Holiday Week:

Don't get it wrong: This was one of the RARE quiter moments...


Paris:

Eiffeltower

Street Evangelism/ Worship:

At an open air exhibition:
See the resemblance? Scary, huh??

Megashort Update

...as I am using my host family's computer.

Just so much: Paris was awesome! Great teachings, the evangelism was really good, the worship was powerful every single time. I shared my faith in FRENCH. I'm so glad God can make good things out of anything...

I arrived yesterday in England to help with a holiday week which started today. The group I am co-leading is pretty lively, but it is much fun.

There's more to come :)

Alorrrrrrrrrrrs...

Arrived in Paris two days ago; meetings have been great so far; soon first evangelism in the streets.

Would be cool if u prayed for us :<)

P.S.: French keyboards are tres trerrible!!!

God's Righteousness

He [Jesus] Himself bore our sins in His body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness;
1 Peter 2:24

Death/ sin is clearly contrasted to life/ righteousness.
We can either choose the one or the other. We are either (godly) righteous or self-righteous. There is no middle course. We can either accepts God's judgment or live by our own.

Let me point out some appearances of self-righteousness:
You are treated unfairly/ rejected/ hurt/ ..., so you...

-> "harden" yourself, building up walls of self-protection:
I will NEVER give anyone (him/ her) the opportunity to treat me like that again!

-> refuse assuming responsibility:
Why should I be the idiot?

-> become a perfectionist:
If I don't make mistakes, I'm untouchable.

-> set your own boundaries tight:
No risk, no hurt.

-> control your environment:
If I'm the boss, nobody will dare questioning me. And if they do, I can make them go...

-> become a good girl/ good boy:
If I'm always good and do the right things all the time (i.e. I am perfect), everybody will love me and I'll be save.

Instead of putting on God's breastplate of righteousness, i.e. accepting His judgment about us and others, we protect ourselves with our own totally insufficient "breastplates" to guard our hearts.

The question is: What do I find my identity in?
Is it enough for me to be unceasingly loved and accepted by God?? Or do I need some replacement of and assistance to that?

Just think about it: What might God's answer to the reactions described above be?

When they hurled their insults at Him, He did not retaliate; when He suffered, He made no threats. Instead He entrusted Himself to Him who judges justly.
1 Peter 2:23

Lekker!

"Lekker" is what the Dutch call everything. Lekker koffie, lekker bedje, lekker meisje,... So let me say, my day today was just "lekker":
- Lekker sleeping in
- lekker talking to friends
- lekker wasting my time on the net (also lekker chatting with friends)
- lekker meeting a friend
- lekker food.

I already love the summer break!!! Maybe I'll keep ignoring the impending final paper I have to write. Leisure time is somehow so much more fun...

Also time to be grateful again: Tomorrow we'll get our new washing machine (for free!!!) If there's someone who is doubting that God provides feel free to ask me. I could tell one or two stories :)

Still alive

I finished my first year of the teachers' training today!
I'm relieved, happy, STOKED!! Who would have thought I could get that far? Not me, definitely!
I handed out evaluation sheets to my students today to get feedback about my work from them; the comment I appreciated most was "I don't think that anyone has ever as much believed in me as you did."
I'm glad I could be encouraging.

Women's Retreat - Report

I guess I should say something about it, right? :)
Frankly, I don't have so much to say. For me, the weekend was mainly pretty stressful because I was either leading worship, picking my sets, praying about the worship or practising. I mean, a whole weekend of prayer and worship was cool, but I was also rather worn-out afterwards. So far about me :)

It was good to see how much the women were moved by God's love and presence; I think many were edified by the preaching and also by experiencing God in the worship, which - I guess - was of a rather different style than about half of the group was used to (half the women came from southern Germany from more conservative congregations.)

Anyway, I'm grateful to have gotten the opportunity to grow in my ministry and to experience God anew!

Ich hab kein' Bock mehr, ey!

Muss ja auch mal gesagt werden...

Women's Retreat

Am about heading off to the women's retreat to lead worship there. Have quite a concrete sense of what God wants to do but am (according to my own standards) not prepared at all...
If you prayed for me that would be cool! I really wanna see God move this weekend.

Thanks folks!

Blessings

Time Devourer?

Hey world out there!

Perhaps you can tell me where time is escaping to. Why is it that this little useful fellow always manages to just kind of sneak away?? And- which I think is another interesting question - why is it that corrections that have to be done seem to procreate in my room?!? Maybe they find the perfect conditions here within the midst of all the paper mess...

Anyway, I'm looking forward to the coming women's retreat where I'll be responsible for the worship for the weekend. I'm so excited to see God moving, which I believe He will. I just love getting to know God's heart better by serving Him. And to see people's lives changed in a worship time. And last but not least I love worshipping God for who He is! Among other things the God who has my time in His hands.
Thank you God!!

Karlowice, Poland

After a one day stopover in my home town Berlin, I packed my bag again, went to work on Friday and headed off to Poland right after school was finished.

Lisa, Ecki, Reiner and me went there to do worship at a youth evangelism on Saturday night. So, after meeting our contacts Chad and Kyle who we had got to know in Berlin a while ago while they had been on a longer mission trip through Europe, we met some of the youth and went out to pass out flyers and invite the teenagers for the event the next day.

At the actual worship concert there were only about twenty young people because at the same time we started playing, the Polish soccer team did, too. And because it was pouring (I really hope the rain doesn't follow me...).

Nevertheless, it was a really powerful time; we interrupted the actual worship concert often to explain things or give testimonies. I had to keep myself from laughing when I said something like, "And I do believe", and the Polish translator would go forever like, "Dzcertbz kniszbit oprtrcz sczglutzd plkrcsp utrfgbdsh olkpgtzc gtlmjorz."
Lisa had a prophetic word for one boy who was about 10 years old, which really touched him. If it wasn't for anyone but for him, the trip was worth the time and effort.

We also got to know Eddi who used to be a member of the Polish Mafia. He is a really neat guy with a childlike faith and a totally sweet manner. When he told us that he hated people before he got to know Jesus, we couldn't believe it!
He told us some amazing stories about his conversion and how he lives his faith. He's the manager of the hotel we stayed in, and they also have a couple of horses, of who he told us some incredible healing stories.
Also, his wife was sick on Saturday while Eddi was with us. So we prayed for her healing. While praying Lisa felt she should lay her hands on Eddi, because he and his wife are one flesh. She did so, and as a matter of fact, Eddi's wife got healed that very moment.

Summing up, I can say that this was a very encouraging trip for me. To see what this church is doing and achieving in faith, to hear stories about divine miracles (and to experience them), but also because God opened my eyes again for my calling to work with youth.
In Karlowice (or Gryfow, where the church is), the kids don't have anything to do in their leisure time than to hang out on the streets, to chat and especially smoke together (I saw several ten-year olds smoking; it seems that if you want to be a part of the group you have to smoke.) It reminded me very much of the area in which I live in Berlin.

We'll see where God is leading me.

Class Trip Feeling

Back from London.
And I brought two new favourite sentences with me:
"I must to the watch!" and (my absolute favourite):
"Speak thy bosom freely." It was a very fun and very informative trip. I think I've never laughed that much in a row, and I know for sure that I've never been soaked so thoroughly so often in my life... I always denied the prejudice that it would be raining in England all the time. Well, I had to revise my opinion.

We learned a lot about Shakespeare - and were SO glad it had stopped raining cats and dogs when we were watching the 3 hours play Othello as groundlings in the un-roofed part of the globe. At that point we already didn't care about drizzle any more...Anyway, five days six girls in one room - it was fun. But also really good to get home again.

London

In two days at the same time I'll already be in London.
I'm so excited!!

I haven't been in Great Britain for three years. That's a loooong time of longing for Cadbury's chocolate and real salt & vinegar crisps/ chips ;)

I just have to survive two more days of correcting and preparing, and then I can enjoy full five days with my teacher training class and my younger sister who is allowed to go with us, ambling in Shakespeare's traces.

Alas, methinks the time hath come to go back to work. Fare thee well, dear friend.

Worship (Night), Sermon and Leisure Time

As work is calling out my name loudly just a really short update on what happened over the last week...

So, last Saturday we had a worship night at my place.
We were nine people altogether and it was just soooo amazing! From the first notes I played on my guitar God's presence was there so powerful, and I do know for sure that that wasn't due to my musical skills because I messed up quite a bit... :)
We worshipped for over one and half an hour, and it remained just as powerful as in the beginning over the whole time. Afterwards we prayed for another 1.5 hours for each other and God gave one prophetic word after the other. It was really awesome!
So people left about 1 in the morning, and there I was - still having to prepare worship for the next morning (which also meant getting up at 6:45. Outch)...

I was so done... I only said a quick prayer, asking God to forgive me that I didn't take more time to prepare, and that He would help me picking the set quickly and that He would - please, please, please - fill whatever I would choose with His spirit.
I had already gotten the topic for Sunday morning worship while preparing for the worship night, so I picked my set in about three minutes, just choosing songs that were well known to the band and me, dealt with the given topic and were written in the same key...
And here the same: We started playing and God's presence was overwhelming. So was the feedback. And THAT really means something, not only for a German congregation, but especially for ours...

Yesterday I preached on God's righteousness.
I just shared what God had told and taught me over the last year. And it was so imperfect! God had only told me which parts and scriptures to know by heart and how I could start and then told me to go up on the stage and just wing it. Not a very relaxing way of working for a perfectionist and preparing freak... And so I of course got lost in my notes, used phrases I would definitely have wiped out had I practised before, and wasn't half as structured as I would have liked to be.

But...
God filled what I had. People were touched enormously; many came up to me saying that what I had taught on was exactly what they are struggling with. That I had spoken into their lives.

I totally marvel at what can happen when we follow step by step and offer Him to use what we have to give. I'm so grateful that I may know that it wasn't me, not my skills, not my work ethic, not my working hard or whatever that released all that blessing; but that it is God alone who gives out of grace. That he humbles me so that He can use me in a godly way. I'm grateful that I could be a blessing. That sharing my struggles and the solution Jesus offered me helped other people.

And yesterday I had some precious time with my dear friend Steffi. It was so neat to hang out with her in the sun in the most beautiful part of Berlin and just chat and catch up on what is happening in our lives.

And - last but not least - I managed to completely design a Latin class test in only two hours. So far it's always taken me about ten.

I'm just grateful for everything God gives in His grace.

Thank you Jesus!!!

Difficulties and Rebellion

John Wimber writes in his book "Power Healing" that" difficulties and problems were the direct and instantaneous consequence of human rebellion against God; and they still are up to the present day".

When I read this sentence some weeks ago, it really struck me. I was in the middle of throwing a pity party about all the difficulties I had to face in my job (and other areas of my life), and I thought "Wuh, wait a moment, are you trying to say that I'm rebelling against God? Hey man, if I just knew that this was God's way for me, I would be all fine and non-complainy."
Well, of course, my reaction might already have shown you that the Holy Spirit was stirring inside me, convicting me of just that sin of rebellion.

Let me elaborate on this:
Actually, I didn't want to accept God's way for my life. I wanted to be a good girl, doing the father's will, of course! That was what I've been taught. That was the deal when I gave Him my life a while ago.
But at the same time I didn't want to accept the consequences that go along with choosing to go God's way. So all my complaining was actually an expression of my rebellion against God, which is actually so obvious (to me NOW) because the root of my complaining was (and unfortunately still is) pride - the original sin.

So let me tell you what happened after I decided to stay in this job and accept it as God's will with all that might go along with it:
The circumstances are still just hard; the last two weeks almost all I did was working. I only slept four to five hours a night because there was just so much to do. But at the same time I felt so much JOY just about life, about who God is, about the good things He gives, ... I could actually enJOY the conversations I had, the moments of leisure time that did exist, just everything. Every morning I (terribly early) woke up there was thanksgiving on my heart. It was on my mind before my mind even was awake.
And I feel freedom. Freedom to go for God again, initiate things. So, tonight we are going to have a worship and prayer nite at my place, and - frankly - I'm a bit afraid that I will be painfully missing the time it takes to prepare and and so on, but I'm also just THRILLED to spend intense time with God and other Christians tonight!

So, what I want to say with this loooong post is this:
When you find yourself in difficulties and struggling, just check by asking the Holy Spirit whether the cause of these difficulties might be an underlying sin.
I don't say it necessarily is because we ARE in a spiritual war, and there are things we are not to accept but we are called to fight against. But I also think that we sometimes fight against the wrong source.

Let me - last but not least - share this scripture from Hebrews 12:11 with you:

No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of RIGHTEOUSNESS and PEACE for those who have been trained by it.

Be blessed!

Transformation

It's just so cool how God works and that when we follow Him in whatever He has for us that He gives true FREEDOM and PEACE.

Sometimes life just sucks. But in everything there is something God wants to teach us to set us free.
Since I decided to stop complaining about my job and to not allow perfectionism (= pride: I wanna be perfect, which only God is) or self-pity (= pride: I deserve better; more about that see on http://www.xanga.com/lisa4berlin; Apr 25th) to take over (putting off the old self...) I've been capable of actually REALIZING the good things. All of a sudden, all the good things that happen to me count!

The other day I was just SO DEPRESSED because I couldn't manage to be better; I couldn't do what God had shown me to change. I had been trying so hard but nevertheless I kept FAILING.
And then God reminded me that HE is the one who makes all things new (Rev. 21:5). That's what Jesus died for; that I can have a NEW life in HIM:

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!
(2. Cor. 5:17)

It's in Him that I have a new life; Jesus has already done everything that is needed to be a new creation. Nevertheless, I have to put off everything that hinders me to be truly righteous and holy. But GOD is the one who works the transformation:

You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to putt off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to BE MADE NEW in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, CREATED to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.
(Ephesian 4:22-24)

Looking forward to even more freedom to come!

Would it kill you...??

Found it on Mark's blog and just HAD to copy it. Soooooooooooo funny!

Is Gratefulness not Honest???

Not long ago I wondered how I could answer the question about my teacher's training honestly without complaining.
I just sat down and wrote down a list of concrete good things that happened to me today at school, and without long meditation I could name 13 (!!!) very concrete, very individual, very good things (and I don't mean things like I had enough to eat and nobody murdered me; which are of course also things to be very grateful for!)

So the honest answer is:
Everyday there are loads of good and fun things that happen! Well, yeah, teaching itself is not my favourite occupation, but can I tell you a cool thing that happened to me today...

I've thought that I had learned the lesson to be grateful in all circumstances a loooooooong time ago. But different situations reveal different hidden flaws.

Holy fire, burn away my desire for anything
that is not of you but is of me!
I want more of you and less of me!
Empty me and fill, won't you fill me with you!

Weißensee-Impression

Da sag' nochmal einer, Weißensee sei nicht schön (und eine Reise wert):Und ich hänge in der Bude rum und bereite Unterricht und Examensarbeit vor!
Aber nachher, wenn ich Pause mache...

House Warming Party

Here just some pics:


Invitation

Most beautiful room-mates ever... Food:

Game:

Beautiful people:

What do you want - Epilogue

I have something to add (apart from the fact that we have internet at home finally!!!):

I think it is very often not about the way we choose; I think God is much bigger than that. I think it's about our relationship to Him. That's all that counts. So, when we are afraid to make a wrong decision, to choose a way that might not be His plan, it is - I think - very much fear about having to face consequences we don't like.

Sometimes God doesn't speak that clearly. We have to make the decision based on the mere trust in that He will love us whatever choice we make. So, make a decision, stick to it, and stop complaining about what is connected to your decision (that's just the lesson I learned lately. Wait. I have been learning...)

We are not victims to our circumstances. We have the choice (I am quoting a close friend here.)
So, for me practically that means at the moment to stay where I am, and finish my teacher's training. And learn all the good (and hard...) lessons God has prepared for me there. And to accept that as my choice, and thus - to stop complaining (which I find really hard, frankly speaking. What is the non-complainy answer to the question how I like my teacher's training when the honest answer is "I hate 98% of everything that is connected to it?" Well, I'm learning...)

You know, I could have left. Tried to get another job somewhere. And God wouldn't have loved me less. I don't even think that I would have terribly messed up His plan for my life. Because it's just not about where I am but about wherever I am how my relationship to Him is.

Well, for me it was just important to realize that God doesn't force me into anything. I CHOOSE to obey; and have to take the consequences: Embracing the difficult things (which all work together for the good anyway), and enjoying all the good things God gives.

I'm so grateful God never stops working on me and wooing me! Man, I would have given up on me a million years ago...

What do YOU want??

I feel like God is asking me that question.

There are so many things to do, opportunities to seize, situations to endure. What's the Father's will for me? How can I know? How can I be sure that the decisions I make, the ways I walk on are His?

What do YOU want, Kerstin?

You COULD go out into the streets evangelising. You COULD lead worship tomorrow. You COULD stay where you are. You COULD leave. But what do YOU want??I give you many options to choose between. There are many ways you could go. But what do YOU want?
Do you know what you want?

I think God is not as rigid as we (I) sometimes think. I guess I've adopted kind of a fatalistic attitude of "whatever...", confusing passivity and not standing up for what I want with doing His will.

I'm learning that it is really NOT good to let life just happen to you. God gave us DOMINION over the earth. Guess, that's quite active.

Well, I'm just thinking out loud. And wondering: What exactly DO I want??

Drawing Closer

During today's worship while we were singing "I'm searching for you, draw me closer to you, I need your presence" (which I sang wholeheartedly because that's been my most intense prayer lately) God was asking me, "How much time do you actually take to draw close to me? How much room do you really make to search for me, to come close?" I was a bit amazed about that because I DO pray a lot, actually most of the time, whatever I do. So God went on, reminding me of the songs we were singing at the beginning of the service in which we proclaimed that He is great, almighty, ruler of the world. And again I was puzzled that God would pick at that because I had also sung these songs with all my heart. So He asked me, "When was the last time you proclaimed that I am the Almighty just for my sake and without wanting me to fix one of your problems?" Well...

I had the impression that that word was not olny for me alone, but that it was actually also one for the congregation. The amazing thing was that not only I got that word but that two other women and one guy also got impressions that said very much the same. And guess what the sermon was about: Searching God in your all day life.

I've been stuck lately in whining about things that have not yet come. That I can't see God's glory in that country, that everything is so slow, that there is not only no revival here but that church actually feels close dead. That I am AGAIN stuck in a job I just don't like (I'm really wondering how much molding my character stills needs...)

So, what God was asking me this morning was, "How much time are you willing to invest into being part of making it happen that my kingdom can come?"
And He didn't mean running around, being busy doing something for Him.

I think His question for YOU today is, "Are you willing to just seek my face? Are you willing for me to come at my time and put something on your heart?"

Well, I am not exactly what you call patient. So when God doesn't speak within about two minutes after I started praying, then I'll do. And by doing so I often just miss what is on His heart and am instead babbling about what is on mine. But don't get me wrong here: God loves to hear what's on our hearts. We just need to watch out that we don't become self-centred, feeling righteous at the same time.

Well... at least I have to.

Nee, heute is' scheiße...

So, gerade Latein-Arbeit geschrieben, meine Klasse hasst mich jetzt. Arbeit war anscheinend viel zu schwer; und ich muss nun irgendwie auf Punkte-Jagd gehen. Ach, ist doch bescheuert...
(Warum genau wollte ich noch mal diesen Beruf ergreifen??? Sachdienliche Hinweise bitte einfach als Kommentar veröffentlichen).
Bök!

DANKE, DANKE, DANKE!!!

Umzug geschafft, das meiste bereits raus aus den Kisten. Wohnung soooooooooooooo toll!
Hier in aller Kürze DANKE, DANKE, DANKE an all die vielen Helfer, die so krass viel geholfen und diesen Umzug in diser Rekord-Zeit möglich gemacht haben! Alles im Einzelnen aufzulisten würde hier zu lange dauern und da ich mangels eines heimatlichen Internetzuganges (und Telefons; sniff...) in einemInternet-Café sitze auch etwas teuer werden.

Weiteres wird berichtet! Vor allem möchte ich erzählen, was die ganzen kleinen und großen Wunder warenn, die wir in dieser Geschichte erlebt haben.

Bleibt neugierig :)

Home Sweet Home

WE GOT IT!!! We got the apartment we wanted!

It's sooooooooooooooooooo cool! Cute area, five (!) rooms, so I'll have an office soon, a bathroom with a tub AND a shower, wooden floor everywhere, kitchen furniture. It's more than perfect. More than we even expected or prayed for or - especially - hoped for. We even have TWO balconies.

The cool thing is that we don't have to pay a commission because we didn't find the place with a real estate agent but ourselves. And the best thing is that THAT got us in finally!

Isn't God just good?

Here some pics already:



Woohooooooooooooooo!!! :)

On Hold

So... They did NOT call today to say that we have the flat. Bummer... I don't like waiting. No; patience is NOT one of my strong points.
But waiting for the relieving call somehow IS like being put on hold. Just as I was the other day when I really needed some pieces of information.
Wanna know how it makes me feel?
Like this:

Hope on the Horizon

Today we handed in almost all the papers our hopefully new landlords want to see to classify us as respectable and thus desirable tenants. And it seems to look good...
There is only one more party left who is also interested but they want to move in later than we would and they found the apartment with a real estate agent. According to the very lovely employee we spoke to today these facts are all negative points.

Tomorrow or the day after we'll know for sure.

So we are waiting...

Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh---EXCITEMENT---aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhH

No Flat Yet

Today in two weeks we will have moved. We just don't know yet where to...
We've seen many places so far, none of which was either appropriate for us and our needs or affordable or ... available.

Two days ago we saw a great place finally. Beautiful, perfect for us, cute area. So, we want THAT one. Only problem: There are others having the same desire, and we are not exactly the perfect tenants. So... we do need a miracle (only a minor one, according to my older sister; doesn't feel like that to me, though).

But we trust that God will provide. If not that place then another one. He promises to care for our needs. He has done so so often. It IS a stretch, though.

Yesterday I read about a woman suffering from MS who had to sell her house and move out but couldn't find an affordable place to live. She got the offer of an apartment just one HOUR before her helpers were done packing all her stuff into the van. God really worked a miracle there.

Nevertheless, I hope it won't be that tight for us...

Further report to come :)

Vermieter

Vermieter sind eine ganz eigene Spezies Mensch.
Entweder sie sind unglaublich freundlich und bemüht, dir ihre wegzumietende Wohnung schmackhaft zu machen; in diesem Fall frage ich mich oft: "Was stimmt nicht mit dem Ding?" bzw. ich bin unendlich sorry, wenn das Angebot nicht unseren Vorstellungen entspricht und ich den freundlichen Vermieter enttäuschen muss. Oder sie behandeln dich auf eine derart herablassende Art, dass ich mich persönlich schon des öfteren dabei erwischt habe, kurz davor gewesen zu sein, mich wortreich dafür zu entschuldigen, dass ich Ihnen mein Geld für ihre Leistung geben möchte.
Wohnung suchen ist eine interessante Angelegenheit, sag' ich dir...

Ganz besonders spaßig ist es, wenn man im Netz eine Wohnung findet, die den eigenen Vorstellungen entsprechen KÖNNTE, wenn es einem denn möglich wäre, herauszufinden, wo diese sich befindet. Ich meine ja nicht unbedingt die genaue Straße oder gar Straße und Hausnummer; nein! Mir würde ein Bezirk schon völlig reichen!
Auch schön ist die fehlende Preisangabe. Versehen des Anbieters oder gar kühle Berechnung? Lohnt es sich, dem nachzugehen oder sollte man besser die Augen verdrehen, kurz schreien und weiter suchen? Fragen über Fragen...

Ich warte nur noch auf den Moment, da ich DIE Wohnung erspähe und die Kontaktdaten des Vermieters fehlen.

Alles ist möglich.

Into Your Arms

Into your arms I run.
I hide in your lap,
Take my refuge in you.
Your perfect love
Drives out all my fear.

I am safe; I am secure
In your arms.


Written in a depth. Proclaimed in a depth.

We're going up to the high places!

Just Trust

... is the slogan on my front door.

Right now it's necessary for me to be constantly reminded that God is trustworthy. I'm - frankly speaking - nervous about finding a flat within about three weeks. Actually, not about finding ONE flat; more about finding THE ONE flat that each one of us who we will share it likes.
Well, I think God promised to provide one. My time is in His hands. He's never been too late.

Just Trust.

Hey, you reading this: Would you mind praying that everything will work out?
THANKS!

Schülerlob

Als meine neunte Klasse am Freitag erfuhr, dass ich auch Latein unterrichte, meinte sie erstaunt: "SIE sind Latein-Lehrerin?!? Das sieht man Ihnen aber gar nicht an! Sie sehen so normal aus."

Ob mich das wohl bereits für die Kategorie "angehende Latein-Lehrer, die trotzdem cool und sexy sind" qualifiziert?Man weeß et net...

Know-All

Once again I'm amazed about God. I'm amazed that he just knows what He is doing. He's a know-all in the best sense of the word (:

Just the other day a friend was teaching about what it means to follow Jesus. "When you follow you don't take the lead," she said. Sounds logical, doesn't it?
I'm just really excited at the moment about what it means to follow STEP by STEP by STEP... Doing that means to say yes to God's way for you, notwithstanding the fact that you might not see where it is going, that you might perhaps not want to go where it is going or - especially difficult for someone like me who loves planning and achieving goals as quickly as possible - it means just to go God's way even if you might have discovered a seeming short cut.
And if you follow God that closely it all comes together to a perfect plan!

Over the last eight years I've found myself in places and especially jobs I didn't want to be in. I think the prayer I've said most often in this last decade was, "God, I don't want to do that! Can't I leave?!?" But He said no, and I just kept following.
Currently, I'm working as a student teacher. The last (two years) step before I'm a "real" teacher. The job I've always thought God wanted me to do. And I've realised lately that I really don't like it! I don't like most things that are attached to that job. How can that be if you follow? What went wrong??

Nothing!
It's just another step I have to take. God reminded me that he had told me right away, at the beginning of my studies that I will - if ever - not work as a teacher for a long time (thank you!!). I had forgotten about that. He corrected my view on my way giving new revelations about my calling. And He showed me what so many other steps I had already taken have been good for. What He had actually taught me through them, spiritually, characterwise and practically. I would never have reached the place I am now at - spiritually, characterwise and practically - if I hadn't trusted Him completely; that He just knows it all, and that all the things will work together for the good. They actually have. I'm so blessed where I am! God has given me so much! More than I had asked for.

I'm so grateful that he actually answers our prayers. I'm so grateful that He does not only know our yearnings but that He actually gave them to us and is interested in fulfilling them. In HIS timing. Which is the right one. My time is in His hands.

Thank you God that you don't stop leading me. That my complaining does not deter you from loving me. That you always reach out your hands to hold me and guide me! Keep my heart teachable, I pray.

Search me, o God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me the way everlasting.
Psalm 139,23f.

Life is short - pray hard!

Dieses Motto wurde mir kürzlich von einer lieben Freundin nahe gelegt. Und ich finde, es ist so unglaublich wahr. Und um die Kurve zu meinem vorherigen Post zu bekommen, erzähle ich hier kurz eine kleine Geschichte:

Es war einmal eine Chestin, die hatte durch die Lektüre eines gewissen Buches gelernt, dass wir nicht haben, weil wir nicht bitten. Und da hatte sie sich schon vor einigen Jahren (denn sie ist ja schon weise und lebenserfahren) angewöhnt, sich zum Jahreswechsel nicht unbedingt nur gute Vorsätze zu fassen, sondern vor allem aufzuschreiben, was sie von Gott sehen oder haben möchte (so ganz kinderartig papa-ich-will-mäßig). So schrieb sie in ihren gebundenen Papier-Blog (den Älteren unter uns wahrscheinlich noch als Tagebuch bekannt), dass sie dieses Jahr unbedingt wieder nach England fahren möchte, denn da war sie ja bereits zwei Jahre nicht, und es ist doch so schön da, und die Menschen sprechen doch so eine schöne Sprache und sind so höflich, und das Wetter ist so angenehm mild, und -
ich will mich hier nicht in Details verlieren, sondern lieber mit meiner Geschichte fortfahren.

Als die kleine Chestin also zwei Tage später am viel zu frühen Morgen in ihrem Englisch-Seminar saß, um sich weiterzubilden und zu erfahren, was sie weder weiß noch kann (und eventuell auch nie können wird oder definitiv nicht wissen wollte), drang plötzlich die von Seiten der Seminarleiterin ganz offiziell gestellte Frage an ihr Ohr, ob wir denn nicht als Gruppe ein Shakespeare-Projekt in Form einer Reise auf die Insel, auf der es angeblich so viel regnet, machen wollen.

Klar wollen wir!

Da war die kleine Chestin glücklich

What is church?

For some time now I've tried to figure out how I could describe here in a snappy way what God is doing in my life. But you know what? It would take forever to write that down. And it would need further explanation anyway.
But yesterday, when I was sharing that with friends and family, it was no problem at all to express my heart. We were all talking about what God is currently doing and what we expect Him to do; and I think just by sharing all that we all were encouraged. Because God was glorified.

I, frankly speaking, do not believe in the current church concept. Meeting once a week, most people being passive and some in charge. I think church is relation-based. Sunday morning might be a part of it. But it's definitely not everything.
I know these are not exactly revolutionary thoughts. But I think that one reason why the church is so weak is that we don't really live fellowship. We don't support and encourage each other, promoting the other in his talents. Plus, we don't allow God to use us and our very individual talents in our (also very individual) every day lives. We rather want Him to fit in our (life) concepts instead of following step by step.

There's just so much more. Are we willing to leave our comfort zone?


Ich weiß, ich habe einen Mixmasch angekündigt. Also mixe und masche ich jetzt hier. Wenn auch nur in Form einer Übertragung...

Was ist Kirche?
Eine ganze Weile versuche ich jetzt bereits herauszufinden, wie ich hier kurz und prägnant beschreiben könnte, was Gott gerade in meinem Leben tut. Aber es würde ewig dauern, das aufzuschreiben; und es wäre sowieso nicht selbsterklärend.
Gestern allerdings, als ich mit Freunden und Familie genau darüber gesprochen habe, was es überhaupt kein Problem auszudrücken, was ich meine. Wir haben darüber gesprochen, was Gott in unserem Leben momentan tut, und was wir von Ihm erwarten. Ich denke, dass wir einfach dadurch, dass wir uns ausgetauscht haben, alle ermutigt worden sind. Einfach weil Gott die Ehre gegeben wurde.

Offengestanden glaube ich nicht an das aktuelle Kirchenkonzept. Sich einmal die Woche zu treffen, wobei die meisten Leute passiv sind und einige die Verantwortung für alles haben. Ich denke, Kirche basiert auf Beziehungen. Sonntag Morgen mag ein Teil davon sein; aber es ist definitiv nicht alles.
Ich weiß, dass das keine revolutionären Gedanken sind. Aber ich denke auch, dass die Kirche unter anderem deshalb so schwach ist, weil wir Gemeinschaft nicht leben. Wir unterstützen und ermutigen uns nicht; fördern uns nicht in unseren individuellen Gaben. Und wir erlauben Gott nicht, uns und unsere sehr individuellen Talente in unserem (ebenfalls sehr individuellen) Alltag zu gebrauchen. Wir wollen lieber, dass Er sich unseren (Lebens-)Konzepten anpasst anstatt wirklich Schritt für Schritt nachzufolgen.

Es gibt so viel mehr. Sind wir bereit, unsere Bahaglichkeit aufzugeben?

It's weekend, baby!

Wow.
It's taken me FOREVER to set up this blog, but finally...

It's weekend, baby! Oh bliss with measure rain thy joy for fear I surfeit...
I lately realized how great it is to think about what is making me happy. Right now. At this very moment. I'm happy because it's weekend, because I have internet at home (looooooove it!), because I did not only tidy up my desk and transform it into a real workplace but that I actually have managed to keep it usable and that I really use it. I'm happy because I have a great family. Sooo good looking:



I'm happy because I have precious friends, because I can sleep in tomorrow (and did actually sleep well tonight), because I have enough time to just hang out here and publish totally random things. And I'm happy because my English class is fighting for getting me as their Latin teacher as well. That is especially making me happy because it seems that my Latin class would rather like to fight for not having me as their teacher at all... So what is finally making me really happy is that I don't have to see a school from the inside for two more days.

See, I'm all happy now.

So. Already thought about what is making YOU happy? Right now? At this very moment?

Getting started
(Tue, 19th Dec 2006; actually...)

Why not just start? Do I really have anything to say? Actually not. But who cares?
When I'll have made it to bed it's only three more days, and then I'll have 17 days OFF! No school, no seminars. Lot of ordering & preparing, of course but not having to get out should do for the beginning

I think it's amazing how grateful one can become for the little things such as sleep, leisure time or just being emotionally stable; how precious things as watching a dvd with a friend or having enough time to enjoy a cup of coffee in the morning (verrrrry important!) become when you have to really make room for them. There are so many things we just take for granted as long as we don't have to fight for them. I wish it would be possible to know about the value of things and people BEFORE we lose them.

Of course, I have an idea of what people and things mean to me; but not until I lose s.o.' favour I had taken for granted or am bereft of things I appreciate I really KNOW how important they actually are for me. In so far I'm grateful for the time I'm just experiencing; when a phone call with a friend becomes really precious just because it's not normal any more to have enough time to chat. And I can so clearly see who and what is important for me because whenever I take time to e.g. hang out with s.o. that time is more or less directly taken away from my daily hours of sleep. So I choose well...

I think that is why God sometimes withdraws his presence from us. What had been taken for granted - security in Him, His love, ... - all of a sudden is shifted from being normal to being something of undescribable value.
When I lately experienced that in an extreme way, feeling horrible and not having Him as my refuge I learned how precious my bible - that contains all the truth about His might and glory - actually is. I couldn't rely on my feelings; I couldn't feel His presence AT ALL; there was nobody who could help me in that situation. So all could do was sticking to the psalms and proclaiming them. They ministered in an incredible way to me! Only then I understood why owning a bible is so valuable; and then I could understand why it means so much to have one for people who live in countries where bibles cannot be purchased easily. I'm grateful for the deep times. They are not fun, but they reveal what really counts. And I think when you process them well they'll make the ground you stand on more solid. On the other hand, choosing the easiest way all the time, avoiding any unpleasantness and denying failures and pain can easily result in the opposite: a shifting ground.

I think I'll rather choose the harder way.