What do you want - Epilogue

I have something to add (apart from the fact that we have internet at home finally!!!):

I think it is very often not about the way we choose; I think God is much bigger than that. I think it's about our relationship to Him. That's all that counts. So, when we are afraid to make a wrong decision, to choose a way that might not be His plan, it is - I think - very much fear about having to face consequences we don't like.

Sometimes God doesn't speak that clearly. We have to make the decision based on the mere trust in that He will love us whatever choice we make. So, make a decision, stick to it, and stop complaining about what is connected to your decision (that's just the lesson I learned lately. Wait. I have been learning...)

We are not victims to our circumstances. We have the choice (I am quoting a close friend here.)
So, for me practically that means at the moment to stay where I am, and finish my teacher's training. And learn all the good (and hard...) lessons God has prepared for me there. And to accept that as my choice, and thus - to stop complaining (which I find really hard, frankly speaking. What is the non-complainy answer to the question how I like my teacher's training when the honest answer is "I hate 98% of everything that is connected to it?" Well, I'm learning...)

You know, I could have left. Tried to get another job somewhere. And God wouldn't have loved me less. I don't even think that I would have terribly messed up His plan for my life. Because it's just not about where I am but about wherever I am how my relationship to Him is.

Well, for me it was just important to realize that God doesn't force me into anything. I CHOOSE to obey; and have to take the consequences: Embracing the difficult things (which all work together for the good anyway), and enjoying all the good things God gives.

I'm so grateful God never stops working on me and wooing me! Man, I would have given up on me a million years ago...